How well do you listen?
In my recent post Are you asking the right questions?, I explored different types of questions, how to ask personal questions, and why we need to ask them.
Today I want to share some thoughts on listening. Management consultant and educator Peter Drucker said, “the most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said”.Listening is a skill we all think we have, but in reality, most of us are just waiting for our turn to talk. Good communicators really listen and then decide whether they have anything of value to add before allowing words to escape their lips.
Oscar Trimboli, in his book Deep Listening, reminds us that when we don’t listen, our people feel undervalued or offended. Not listening also can lead to misunderstandings, feelings of frustration, isolation and increased fear.
It’s so easy to be distracted today (smartphone anyone?), so focused listening is more essential than ever.
Don’t be like my “friend” Sally, who, during a conversation, suddenly said “oh, I have a voice mail I need to listen to” and walked away. I was mid-way through a sentence. Answering a question she had asked me less than ten seconds earlier.
So how do we listen, and listen well?
It’s often pretty easy to realise when someone isn’t listening to you. Take David for example. David used to ask me the same question multiple times in a conversation.
Clearly not listening. Compare David to Jane. Jane would listen to me, ask me questions about wasn’t clear and, often, paraphrase back what I was saying to make sure she understood.
Things we can do to become better listeners:
Don’t listen to be polite, listen to learn – show curiosity about what and who you are listening to
Ask questions
Focus on the other person – not your phone, your email or your next meeting!
Have an open mind rather than making assumptions
Know when to leave – if you’ve run out of energy or aren’t in the right state of mind to listen, then explain that to the other person and offer another time when your attention can be more focused.
How good a listener are you?
Are you a David or a Jane? Or, horrors, like Sally?
I’d love to know!